He gladly agreed to answer some of our questions on banters and Banters:
1. What’s your favorite word?
I guess I say “legit” a lot. Man, seeing it written out like that makes me want to seriously look at the choices I’ve been making in life and reassess some things. It looks way too 90s. Let’s just go with “quandary.”
2. What’s more important in a good friendship; sarcasm or sympathy?
Not sure, but DEFINITELY pick one and then refuse to budge no matter how much they beg you to. “Sorry, Brad, I was very clear about this, I’m your sarcasm guy. So if you’d like me to quip about how your shirt is dumb, fine, but I refuse to discuss your dad dying any further…Also, NICE apartment. Ever hear of a vacuum?!”
3. Always have the last word or keep them guessing?
Are these really comparable? Wouldn’t the alternative to getting the last word be THEM getting the last word? I guess if I could leave and be assured of a total absence of any sound, and I didn’t have to waste one of my well-crafted last words and they wouldn’t get to say anything, either, I’d choose to leave them guessing.
4. Bad publicity or no publicity?
This is a dumb question. “General, amorphous, out-of-context thing” or “Or other vague, meaningless platitude”? (Wait, can “platitude” be my favorite word? Is it too late?!)
5. The best way to make a crying person laugh?
Pretend to suddenly remember something that happened to you even worse than what they’re going through and then cry even harder than they they are. They might not laugh, technically, but they will have to focus on you for a bit. Remember, every single moment in life is a battle that you could lose.
6. The best way to make a laughing person cry?
Be Rick Santorum
7. The best pick-up line which hasn’t worked?
The time I said: “Pretty awesome Banters interview… if you have any follow up questions, how about you ‘follow’ me ‘up’ town… and over the bridge to… um, where my apartment is? No? Okay. You mind if I just hang here a bit? Okay, no, I should go anyway…”
8. The worst pick-up line which has worked?
“Hi. I’d like to open a savings account?” I said this to a woman in a bank. Then I opened a savings account. Haven’t gotten her number yet but I do go in there once a week to discuss banking… I guess this is sort of a long con thing? I still don’t know if she’s single. THESE THINGS TAKE TIME, OKAY. (Ms. Alvarez, if you’re reading this, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to that high yield money market account we discussed!)
9. Most often used comeback?
“No YOU stop following ME around the food court!”
10. Personal favorite Banters post?